The start

There was a girl, a young girl that was to worried about what she would wake up, she was so afraid that some nights seemed to last forever. She was lost inside a world she didn't belong. She always ready for a fight and never felt like anyone understood. She hid the home life and became good at putting a face on. She had a great role model though, her mom was good at holding things together as well. There were days she prayed that God would save her, ask " why me". 

This girl learned at a young age more than people realize. It's true what they say, that young ones hear and see more than adults think. She was not only a daughter and a sister but also a protector. She would hide the true man from her brother just so he didn't grow the same hate in his heart as she had. She tried so hard to protect her mom and brother, that she forgot herself at times. 

When it got to be to much she reached out for things that numbed her. At times it was alcohol, other times drugs, and don't forget boys. She knew how to numb pain easier then others her age. She was good at hiding it most of the time.

Friends never knew and classmate never understood, but when it came out people thought she was making shit up. Truth be told the hell was something she thought was a nightmare. She made decisions that weren't right, she hurt people that shouldn't have been hurt, but most regrettable was she didn't say what she should have at times to the one that caused so much pain. She was scared at  the time, not for herself but for her mother and brother. If she had would things be different? 

After years of hurt, blame, anger and tears she found the answer she had been searching for her whole life. It wasnt her fought, she did what she could, in the end the man that caused so much pain would never change, never understand and never man up to the fact he never was or will never be a father! He was just a lesson brought into her life to show her what she didn't want, need or deserve.

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We don't choose the cards that are handed to us, but we do choose the path we desire to take in life. - rachael 

Moments

I am currently awaiting my 26th birthday. It has been such a rocky road full of laughter, stress, tears, failures, success and roads. I have traveled and I have been blessed to find that one person I can not live without! 

If someone would have told me just 6 years ago that the life I have now would be my life I would have laughed it off. Truth is I never thought I would ever find this kind of happiness, comfort and closure. 

This blog is going to help with my struggle and hopefully help those that have been or are currently are in a place I once was. I hope it helps and brings dreams alive for people that are similar to myself. 

I was lost for a long time, wondering if dreams come true, if happiness was just in the movies, if where I came was the only way to be- I found through alot of tears, lonely nights, empty bottles, and a lot of screaming into pillows, a life that is real, that is amazing and that is mine! 

I am a daughter of an amazing mother who at 16 took a chance and that chance was me. As a single mother raising two kids ( myself and my amazing brother), who gave up dreams for us to have ours. A mother that doesn't get enough credit for what she has done and who she is. 

I am sister to an amaIng brother who has always been my rock, who fought and still fights to be the man he has become. My best friend for life, one of the men in my life that no matter what i choose to do, he was there for the failure or the success 100%. 

I am a fiancé to a wonderful man that has brought love back into my heart and my dreams alive. He is my world and I am blessed to have him by my side. 

Love comes in many shades and the love for these people and more as you will discover through my stories are who have built who I am today! They love me for who I was, who I am and who I will b, not because they have to, but because they believe in me and support me. 

Life is unpredictable and everyday is uncertain. I hope I don't upset anyone, please understand this blog is a story of my life, what I believe and how I feel! 

Thank you, I love you!

Life is simple but we insist on making it complicated- Confucius